It’s come to my attention that nobody cares about how easy it is to clean things with toothpaste and vinegar. This is because cleaning is boring and we only do it because we have to. Even I, the great and powerful Domesticrat, only clean when company’s coming. In the event that I want to take a picture of something, I kick the crap out of the way and make it look like things are neat and tidy. This has led to a number of unintended circumstances:
1. You people think I’m good at everything domestic. Trust and believe: you’re way better at it than I am.
2. I feel like I have to talk about cleaning and domestic productivity all the time, which I sometimes find interesting but mostly I don’t. Because it’s not.
3. Since I’m bored by the subject matter, I don’t write anything at all, because I feel like I’m supposed to be in this niche that sucks.
4. So I rebel against the niche by being all introspective, which is even more boring because of all the things people are not interested in, someone else’s long and winding journey of self-discovery is probably the biggest.
So here’s what’s gonna happen now. I’mma eat this box of loaded fries from Checkers, and drink this giant Coke, and spend today being fat and sassy. Later, I’ll dye my own hair and go with my 58-year-old mother to see Magic Mike (because there’s no such thing as too much shirtless Joe Manganiello), and then maybe I’ll clean something.
But probably not.
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