I Write Like Who?

I fell asleep in my desk chair again last night. It’s not that it’s a particularly comfortable chair, it’s just that I was very busy listening to music, doodling dream houses and Facebooking, and I didn’t know I was tired.

I only got a few hours of continuous sleep, I’m sure, but since I happened to fall asleep next to my phone, rather than trudging upstairs and forgetting it, I actually heard the alarm for the first time this week. Which meant I was up before the kids. (And yet, Devin was still late for school, but as this is already a huge digression from a point I haven’t even made yet, nevermind that part.)  I made my way through the morning routine:

–pour coffee and demand kisses,
–conduct frantic search for  Devin’s shoes,
–nuke coffee and collapse into desk chair,
–contemplate getting a real job again so as not to waste another 20 years,
–realize that the 20 years were wasted on real jobs, so getting one again would just be counterproductive,
–plus I have all this art and thinking to do,
–hit play on the “All Ben All Day” list, volume up,
–make sure I didn’t do any Sleepbooking, such as the night I wrote that my college’s IT department should be fired until they could actually obtain IT training…on the school’s wall, instead of my own, or like the time I rapid-fire-posted seven Ben Folds videos from YouTube (night before last).

So, when I logged in at Facebook today and clicked to my own wall, I discovered Timeline – and more importantly, the archives calendar – had been enabled. (As you undoubtedly know.)  So of course I started reading my own Facebook wall from beginning to end.

Along the way, I see that last year, I posted the results of my “I Write Like” analysis (David Foster Wallace).
In the name of sitting more self-exploration, I decided to run the analysis a few more times, using samples from this blog, my “fancy” blog, and Facebook. My results again include Wallace, as well as Stephen King, Arthur C. Clarke, William Gibson, and Cory Doctorow.

Obviously, I know of Stephen King and Arthur C. Clarke. The others I have to look up, because I watch television and play on the Facebook usually.

Turns out that Mr. Wallace was rather a long-winded circumstantialist who relied heavily on expansive footnotes. I grudgingly accept, because I’m not delusional about my tendency to rock a run-on sentence, and also because even though my footnotes are infrequent and itty-bitty, at least now I know of someone who uses them besides me and Jen Lancaster, so I don’t have to feel like a big faker.

I’m otherwise at a complete loss as to how it came out with the other four.

In my whole life, I’ve never written a single paragraph of horror, and the closest I’ve come to writing science-fiction is “OMG Big Bang Theory is soooooo funny” and “no Dr. Who for me, but if David Tennant takes his clothes off, pause it and come get me right away.”

And while it turns out I have Aaron has we have a copy of Mona Lisa Overdrive (which I’m now obligated, nay, delighted to read), I have strong doubts that William Gibson has thought to include any of the themes one would find in things I write (mostly lots of bullshit inner monologues and love scenes that quickly wind up on a downward spiral into pulp porn, causing me to blush, delete, flee the room and start scrubbing the sink.)

I’ll let you know how it turns out. Especially if I’m wrong and it turns out there’s a lot of nekkid. In the meantime, if you are at least 60% conscious and want to talk more about:

• Ben Folds
• shirtless David Tennant,
• Facebook’s Timeline,
• your own I Write Like results
• or whatever, I’m not picky…

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